Hustling

There's been a lot of hustling around here lately.

And sometimes as a mom, the one who is suppose to make the world make sense, the one who is the kisser of boo-boos and the wiper of tears, the one who sings them to sleep, and wakes them with mango juice and fresh eggs, the one who determines the fate of desserts and night time rituals, it is unbearable to watch my kids hustle for their worthiness.

And yet even in my prideful reality of believing that I could fix it, if just...
I realize that I am hustling too.
It's not my job to heal my kids.
It's not my job to protect them.
It's not my job to try and make-up for the losses they've endured.
I can't hustle hard enough, or fast enough, or long enough.

I just can't.

And it's so offensive to me.
Because if I could, I would.
I would make up for everything that they've lost.
I would wipe away the hurt and pain.
I would erase rejection from their souls.

Because hustling is no way to live.
Hustling is exhausting.
Hustling is ugly.
Hustling is consuming.

As a mom to kids from the hard places, this is the hardest part. Injecting worthiness and hope into children whose stories have so far told them the opposite.
I've mentioned here before that shifting foundations is slow and tedious work. And I just have to keep reminding myself of this.

I am not at all hope-less.
I am not at all defeated.
But I have been hustling.
Their stories are now my stories.
And I need to find my path in them.
Not stand outside their stories and hustle to help them find their worthiness.
But stand with them, in their pain, and remember, it is our story now.
And God promises to complete the story.

A place at the table.

One of our kiddo's self talk is really bad.
I've talked before about the attachment cycle, a baby cries and a tender, responsive, and consistent care giver is suppose to respond, every time. This cycle of, I have a need- I get upset... You hear me, you come- you help me calm, this is the attachment cycle. This cycle happens hundreds of thousands of times in an infants first year of life, and it lays the foundation for self-worth, self-efficacy, and mental health.

Unfortunately, three of our five kiddos didn't get this ground work laid correctly. And we are working to help shift and replace their foundations. I consider it one of our most important roles.

The negative self talk is heart breaking for me and comes from this experience of: I cried and no one came, I do not matter. Or I cried and someone came and treated me poorly, thus I am bad. The way I often describe it is this, most children walk into a room and assume everyone in that room adores them, and wants to hear all about their minecraft explorations, or worm digging, or football practice, they assume that they are the center of the universe. And so it should be.

Many kids who didn't have the correct attachment foundations don't feel this way. They walk into a room and assume they are disliked. They assume that they are the worst, or the stupid-est, or the one everyone is laughing at. And so many times any correction, or rule enforcing comes across as a direct confirmation to them that their worst fears are true.
"I knew I was the worst one."
"I knew she didn't like me."

Recently the negative self talk had taken a turn for the worse with one of our sweet babies. So we began talking with him regularly about how his choices, whether good or bad, do not effect our view of him. We talk with him regularly about how our love is constant, just like Papa God's.

Its been interesting to see his development as this truth has begun to take hold in his heart.

Yesterday I totally messed up with him and flipped my lid. As I was apologizing (a few minutes later) I asked him, "Do you still love me?"
He looked up at me as if I were crazy.
"Of course!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.
As I pulled him in tight I whispered, "Thank you! That is exactly how I feel whenever you make a poor choice. Of course I still love you! I will never stop loving you."

He asks for reminders about his status of unconditional love. What I have found most interesting is this, he often asks at dinner.
He still needs confirmation of his spot at the table.

He doesn't ask in times of trouble, and he doesn't ask in times of joy. He asks during the everyday moment in which we gather to feed our bodies and pour into each others souls.  The time when he looks around and can tangibly see each person's spot. He can actually see all of us, at once, fitting together, tucking ourselves around the table. And it is in these times when he feels our closeness as a unit, that he still doubts his place.

And that makes me cry.

And yet, what I love, is that now, instead of sitting there silently questioning his worth and his belonging. He reminds himself.
Sometimes it is a quiet whisper I hear him saying to just himself as he waits for his turn to talk about his day, and sometimes it is a declaration that he makes to all of us. "You guys love me no matter what!"

Progress is slow when you're shifting foundations.
But progress is progress.

20 Questions

Twenty questions, remember that game? You tried to figure out if the person your sister was thinking of was a famous historical figure, your dog, or the boy band singer she was crushing on…  It was a game you played as a kid, during road trips, sitting on airplanes, or in doctors offices. It was fun, but only as a last resort, when all other games had been exhausted. As an adoptive mom, I sometimes feel as if I live my life inside of the 20 Questions game, except I want to re-name it Infinity Questions!

I realize all moms have a period of living inside the question game (usually with your three year old), but for us adoptive moms this phase can last much longer. Many adopted children have lived in chaos for so long before coming home that they need to control their environment so tightly in order to prevent feeling out of control. Many times this manifests as the “Question Game” as we have affectionately coined it in our house! Often times our children will ask many many questions, repetitively. And this is a result of them being afraid, they feel out of control. They want to understand every situation, every sound, every facial expression. They want to know every car that drives by, every noise they hear, and where every one is and why, at all times. This can be an exhausting place to live. Answering questions all day long, the same questions day in and day out, while you remain consistent, mellow, and compassionate, every single time. Super hard. 

When our son Demetrius first came home he was obsessed with cars. We lived on a busy street in our small town, and although I did know a good number of the people who drove by on a regular basis, I surely did not know every single car, who was in it, where they were going, and why. But Demetrius would stand in our living room and watch the cars go by and ask, sometimes over two hundred times a day, 

“Who was that?”

“Whose red car is that?”

“Who was in that white truck?”

“Where is she going?”

All. Day. Long.

 You see, we were his seventh home, and he was not yet three years old. Cars meant change to him, and he needed to know what change was coming, when, and why. And so I consistently answered his questions. Over and over, and over again. After what seemed like years, but was only a few short months the car questions began to slow down. But by this time he also knew what cars the important people drove. He knew when my husband was home, or gone. He knew when my mom was coming, and he knew when the case worker was pulling in. He knew the G.A.L’s car, and the therapist’s cars, he knew them all.

This was just a window into his heart. A window into his past, and how out of control his little world had felt. He was showing us that these things were important to him. 

When he started school again a few years ago, the questions began once again. But this time it was, “Who is picking me up from school today?” I was baffled, I pick him up from school everyday. I was trying to answer this question, sometimes eighty times in the hthee hour time frame, between when he awoke in the morning and I dropped him off at school, without showing my annoyance. I was sending him to school with a laminated picture of me to remind him when he forgot during class, I was letting him draw pictures of who picked him up every day, I was calling the school to remind him, and I was trying to answer this one question the same way every time. But all I wanted to do was scream, “MEEEEEE! It’s always ME!!!!! What is so hard about that? Why don’t you understand???”

Thankfully on a cold morning in October I got my answer. He asked me again, while eating his oatmeal, mouth full and berries smeared on his cheeks, “Who is picking me up from school today?” I am pretty sure this was about the 20^th time he’d asked that morning. “I am picking you up Demetrius. I promise. Why do you ask?” 

He dropped his spoon into his bowl and I remember watching the milk splash on the window as he started, “ I remember when I went to school and my Megan Mom was suppose to pick me up. But instead Miss Jessica picked me up and brought me to your house…” He then went on to describe his entire first day at our house. The clothes he was wearing, the place I was standing when he walked in, what they talked about in the car on the ride over, crossing the street as he looked into our windows, and of course, the model, make, and color of Miss Jessica’s car. 

I wanted to cry, I wanted to melt, the frustration I had been feeling towards him, my lack of patience with his never ending question, my lack of empathy. It was all choking me in that moment, and it came out as a sob. I was so grateful, I had finally gotten my answer.   

Throughout the years he has been home we will occasionally see this behavior resurface. Usually there is no pattern and we don’t know why. Yet I know each time, it is a glimpse into his past, a picture of what he has been through, and a step towards our healing. So I have become grateful for the questions, eager for the answers, and anxious for the insight. 

D-D

Demetrius Luke
D-Luke
D-D
Demetrius
D

We call him many things.
Protector of the city and healer of the people. That is who he is.
And he is destined for that.
He protects and heals.

Last night Tre threw up. He didn't call out for me, or David. He called out for D.
"D, take me to the toilet!"
And he did. He rushes to help at any given moment. He cares for people so well.
He rubs my back, and tickles my arm.
He uses his money to buy treats for everyone else.

The other night Demetrius and Tre went to "Kid's Night Out" (It is really Parents Night Out, but they told me I have to call it Kid's Night Out because it's a night for kids to go have fun... Because apparently they don't get out and have fun that often!)
Demetrius repeatedly found Pastor SYlvia asking her to help him find Tre. They had gotten separated. Sylvia kept telling Demetrius to keep looking.
After so many times of him asking she figured she better help him find Tre. And so they began to hunt. It took a while, and they finally found him in a group of older kids playing a game, which is why Demetrius couldn't find him.
Sylvia was relieved, "Oh thank Goodness! Here he is Demetrius!"
"Thanks!" he yelled as he scampered off.
Sylvia was confused.
Why did this kid beg me and beg me to help him find his brother if he isn't even going to stay with him or even say hi? She thought.

He just needed to know that he was okay, That he was safe. That he was having fun.

He is amazing.

This year I am believing over him balance and healing.
I have written before about the healing that is taking place in him.
He is such an amazing boy. With such a powerful story.

Throughout my TBRI training this year with Doctors Karyn Purvis and David Cross I learned a lot about neurotransmitters. These are the chemicals in our brain.
The ones we hear about a lot like seratonin and adrenaline, and those sorts of things.

It's fascinating to learn about these things!
The reason I think it is so important for other parents who are parenting kids from the hard places (and parents who just feel as if they are struggling an awful lot with a particular bio kid maybe) is that looking into your kids neurotransmitters can give you a whole NEW perspective on your kiddo.

Here are Demetrius' test results:
Red means you are out of the optimal range. You are unbalanced.
All but four of his major neurotransmitters are unbalanced. Some are "dangerously high".
You know what this says to me.
He is trying SO SO SO hard to be good.
He is trying SO SO SO hard to not make a "bad choice".
He is trying SO SO SO hard to be like everybody else.
To sit still. To not run. To not get angry. To not hit. To not be crazy. He is trying SO SO SO hard to notice his environment, and to be aware of himself spatially. He is trying and trying trying and trying.

And because of all of that red, it is SO SO SO hard.
What this shows me is that he is the best kid in the world! Talk about perspective. After seeing this paper I felt a new level of compassion for him. For those parents out there needing a dose of compassion, this is one!

And so this year we are speaking over him balance. He shouldn't have to try so hard. He shouldn't have to feel so "bad".

We are working with our naturopathic doctor in helping to bring balance to Demetrius within his brain without using drugs. But there is also a balance that we want to help him develop in his spirit.

When Demetrius makes a mistake he is so hard on himself. As a mom, I feel sick to my stomach when I hear his self-talk. To hear what he says to himself when he makes a mistake; It's gut wrenching. This quote flashes in my head every time I go talk with him after an "incident":

Source: Uploaded by user via Donna on Pinterest

He didn't hear these things from us, ever. That is such a hard thing. For those of you who get to "blame yourselves" when you hear something from your kids that isn't good... Trust me, that's a better feeling than when you had no control over those things. When I hear him berate himself, and get so angry with himself, and the phrases he uses. It breaks my heart. I wish the whole world over I could have protected him from hearing those things ever said about anyone, but especially over himself. I wish the whole world over that he was just saying "Oh shit!" when he spilled his water for the third time today. I wish that's what we were dealing with. Cause that would be kind of funny.
But this is not.

This week I had to send an email to his teacher, here is just a short snip it, 

 "By you repeatedly giving us his "bad reports" from school he has become very defeated. As I have mentioned to you in the past he is a very very sensitive child who has learned to cue into the way people perceive him as a way of protecting himself and surviving as long as he did in the circumstances he was forced to navigate as a very young child. As a result, your repetitive bad reports that you share in front of him and the rest of the parents is resulting in him feeling extremely disliked and therefore his acting out behaviors are continuing to escalate. "

You see I don't care who  you are. This little boy needs encouragement, your words, your actions, your attitudes, he hears them, in his soul. And it's my job now to protect this sweet boy. Maybe I couldn't for the first three years, but I can now. 

So we're helping him this year to bring balance to his thought life. He can't struggle with this forever. He has too much amazing things to do in his life, and this will hold him back. And he won't be held back.

So we're working on getting the chemicals balanced, yes. But that is really only about 20% of the picture. We are also working with him. I'm teaching him about his brain, using this phenomenal book. It even has cartoons that you read to your kids about the brain. We are helping him focus his mindsight from a feeling or emotion to who he is. Helping him realize that emotions change and are not a definition of who we are, but merely a feeling. We are using the wheel of mindsight from the book, and we are working on filling his brain with positive affirmations and feelings.


I know this is going to be a huge year for him.
I think being a parent is hard.
But I think being an intentional parent, helping our children develop and grow into who they are destined to be is exciting. Choosing to teach our children, all of them, about their brains, their emotions, their bodies, and their spirits, is going to lead to some pretty awesome adults!  I want my kids to start from my ceiling. I want them to be challenged to integrate their bodies, souls, spirits, and minds now.

And so this year Demetrius will find balance. In his mind and spirit. I believe he will enter 2014 knowing what an amazing blessing and child he is. Knowing he is smart and kind. Knowing he has a destiny, and knowing that he will fulfill it with all of us cheering him on, no matter how many times he falls down in the process, and no matter how many glasses of water he spills!

Source: alexacall.com via Amanda on Pinterest

This Girl is on Fire

(Yes you should sing the title.)

Welcome 2013. I am glad you're here.
2012 was the quite the year for us as a tribe. We adopted two children, had a baby, bought a home, renovated, went on a month long family vacation, went to the Bahamas, moved, I got certified in TBRI, we flew to Pennsylvania, we grew our business, and through it all... we stayed married.
That's a good year.

This year is our year of settlement. Our year to settle into who we are now as a family of seven. In our new house, with our new roles, new names, new beginnings. This year we will settle.

I have decided that in 2013 I have a few things to work on.
I want to be more deliberate for what I am believing, speaking over, and teaching my children. And I want it to be individualized.
So I have been praying for God to give me specific qualities or attributes that I want to focus on for each of my children.
Laila was the first one I knew what I needed to be doing in 2013. And so it has begun. I am praying over her and speaking into her these things:
Voice.
Empowerment.
Strength.
Courage.
These are the things I want to help develop within her this year. These are the things that I want to see blossom.
She is all of these things.
But I often times find myself speaking the opposite over her. And that is wrong.

Karyn Purvis talks about giving voice to your children for a brief moment here.

But there is something so profound that she says when speaking about children who's needs were not met as infants and the studies that show that if an infants needs are not met within the first 30-60 days of life they will stop crying.
(Anyone else been in a silent orphanage? I have.)
She says this, "The legacy of a lost voice is great." (insert my tears here.)
Unfortunately I have seen this in Laila. And so this year I have purposed to give her voice, to make her feel powerful.
It is January 4th as I write this, and I am already seeing my quiet, victim-like, compliant to a fault, no fuss, no tears little girl disappear.
Here are some of the things we have instituted in the new year. I am sure you will disagree with most of them. But I'm not parenting your child, so don't worry.

Laila is allowed to hit, push, shove, etc.
If Laila needs something she needs to yell it.
She got a supero-hero cape that she can wear at all times if necessary (Thanks Aunt Diana and Uncle David).
She gets to pick her clothing everyday, no matter what.

And for me:
When Laila asks for something that she needs I must stop, look, and listen, and respond appropriately.
I cannot mumble to myself about her "victim-mentality".
I have to let her pick her clothing, no matter what.
I need to help facilitate mirror time every day.

Here are a few of my thoughts behind these crazy "New Years Resolutions"

You need a little background to the dynamics around here. Demetrius and Tre rarely hurt Laila, and if they do 95% of the time it is accidental. But Noah is an entirely different story. He hurts Laila often. On purpose. And she does nothing about it. She will let him chase her around as he tries to hit her with a toy. When she won't call out from the bathroom for help, he will go in and bite her while she is on the potty. He will throw toys at her, etc. We are working on this with him.
(He is very very gentle with Charli and treats her so well. It is how Laila has reacted to him that has created this dynamic, but he does get punished when this occurs. And that is an entirely different post.)

When we made the announcement to the boys that Laila is allowed to push and hit, I thought Demetrius was going to fall off his chair. He couldn't believe it.
But here is what we said, "Boys, Laila is allowed to hit for now. (Insert faces of utter disbelief, envy, and shock.) She cannot hit to be mean. She can hit to defend herself. If Noah is biting her, or one of you hit her, she will hit back. Right Laila?"
She nods her head with a devilish grin spreading across her sweet cheeks.
"Boys, Laila is precious. And she powerful. And she is not going to let people hurt her anymore. Will you please help her learn to defend herself?"
Then we had about ten minutes of questioning and clarification from the boys. So Laila can hit us if we hurt her on purpose, but not just to be mean? Can we hit each other now? Is punching hitting? What about karate? Does tripping count? How long will this last?

We were sitting at Del Taco during this conversation. I'm fairly certain the other patrons were flabbergasted. At one point David looked at me and said, "Maybe this was a mistake?"

But honestly it has gone so well. Yesterday they were all playing in the basement and I heard D and Tre encouraging Laila. "Laila if Noah is hurting you you need to grab his hand and stop him. He can't hit you with a toy. You are precious and powerful!"
"Oooo-kay." came a little meek voice.

When I see Noah hitting her I say, "Laila stop him." Instead of rescuing her.

There is a history here that will not repeat itself.
There is a generational curse and message that she has received that will stop in our home.
She will learn her worth, her value, her preciousness, and her power here.
She has a voice that is commanding and will be heard.

When children do not feel that they have a voice; they feel that they are not important, that they are not worthy of love and care, that their needs and desires will never be met. And so they manipulate and control in order to get their needs met. They feel that if they were to just ask, to use their voice, no one would ever hear them, meet them, love them or care for them.
Not Laila.

It's January 4th. This morning she came upstairs and said, "Why is Noah up here with you?"
I said, "He needed some loves." (We were sitting on the couch cuddling.)
She looked down at her toes, and quietly whispered, "I need some loves too."
"What?" I said, gently prompting her to lift her chin and look at me. I smiled.
"I need some loves." she said quietly.
I picked her up and loved her for as long as she'd let me, which wasn't very long. Because really she just needed to see if I would hear her.
And I will.

So far we have been jammin' to Girl on Fire every morning in front of the mirror. And I find her singing it throughout the day.
I talk to her about how much she needs and how I am here to meet those needs for her. I talk to her about how powerful she is and that she is in control of her body. She decides how much she eats, when she goes potty, what she wears, who can touch her and how. I talk to her about her voice and the power she has when she uses it.

I have been reading her books from the library like "Beautiful Warrior" and "The Princess Knight", "Nzingha" and others that I have mentioned before like, "The Skin You Live In".

This afternoon she told me, "I do not want to take a nap. I did not have enough time to play today!" It was a mini fit. I was so so proud.

And so my girl on fire she will become.
She is powerful and precious. And deserves for her voice to be heard.
So here is to 2013 and the voice of a precious lady being found... and heard.

Life as we know it... straining forward.

Yes, we've been home for a little over two weeks, and in that time life as we know it has changed.

- We have officially began the adoption process for Laila and Noah and should have an adoption date this week!

- We received some heavy diagnosis for Laila and Demetrius in terms of their past, and how it has effected them. Things like R.A.D. (Reactive Attachment Disorder), O.D.D. (Oppositional Defiance Disorder), and P.T.S.D. (Post Tramautic Stress Disorder, which is diagnosed massively higher in children who have been apart of the foster care system in our country than soldiers returning from war in Afghanistan and Iraq.) They are heavy heavy things, things that we will not use to define their futures, but labels that do put pictures to their pasts. Labels that mean we must remind ourselves of this calling to help heal hurt, and to not stay safe, or clean, but to dive into the mess of this life with our babies.

- We are also in the process of buying a house with foundation problems:D Which seems like no big deal to me, we are in the business of fixing foundational problems, so it seems fitting for us, prophetic, and perfect really, if you ask me. (I'm not sure the lender or my husband share my same passion for this particular foundational problem, but we shall see;)

- We have determined that there are some severe allergies with Demetrius and Noah and are undergoing several different tests for this.

-Demetrius has a severe stigmatism which explains why he is always running into everyone and everything (Not the R.A.D., thank you very much!), and is always hurting himself and others and spilling the entire kitchen:) He will be in really cute, but much more importantly, NOT BREAKABLE glasses from here on out.

So with these factors, combined with my computer that is teetering on the brink of life and death, I am afraid to download any of the photos off my camera from  our trip. Some day I will, and it will be wonderful to relive our "month of family", to look back and remember how amazing the time was and recall what God was doing in us during that time. But for now we are looking ahead at what is to come, we are believing the best for our children, their hearts, their heads, and their bodies. We are looking forward to our new home, wherever and whenever that is. And we are looking forward to completing this tribe once and for all. As we begin our new life as an official family of seven!

"... forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies in front..." (Philippians 3:13)

This is the verse for our family right now. And I just want to remind my self what straining involves from my good friend Dick- tionary:
1 [ trans. ] force (a part of one's body or oneself) to make a strenuous or unusually great effort • injure (a limb, muscle, or organ) by overexerting it or twisting it awkwardly• [ intrans. ] make a strenuous and continuous effort • make severe or excessive demands on • [ intrans. ] pull or push forcibly at something • stretch (something) tightly2 [ trans. ] pour (a mainly liquid substance) through a porous or perforated device or material in order to separate out any solid matter: strain the custard into a bowl.

(Note to husband: This is why we need massages so much, that and our accident in Nashville:)

So as we strain with our family to move forward into what God has for us we must remember that forgetting the past, letting it go and not letting it define us or our children will take an unusually great effort, we might get injured, it will be strenuous and continuous, not something we often like to hear together, not something our society often signs up for. But we have.
We will experience severe and excessive demands, pulled and pushed forcibly, and stretched tightly.
As we are daily pouring our selves out, so that all that is left is what is solid.

We are doing this so that we can make forward progress, so that we can help our children leave what is behind them and enter in to what is destined for them. And that is worth it. (Happy Father's Day baby!)

Great News

I've been MIA. Sorry to all those who have called my mom, wondering if we're still alive over here at the Purvis tribe!

We are, there was a few days when I wasn't sure if we'd make it... but we did. We got the flu, the real one. And I couldn't function, let alone take care of all my children who were sick as well. David was out of town, so my parents and friends had to step in, and risk their lives, to help! Thank God for them!

But we're on the other side now, I've even showered recently, and bathed my children, and driven a car. So things are looking up!

And we got some really exciting news recently, some news that we weren't really even hoping to hear until May or June... We will be (finally) moving forward with the adoption of Laila and Noah, the appeal has been heard, and we can now move forward! YAY!

We still have about a month of waiting before we can officially move forward, but we are ecstatic around here! And hope to compete our family of seven early this summer!

A few more weeks until we are expecting the arrival of our little girl. We think we have a name picked out, and it is none of the names we had you vote on:) But we have to wait and meet her, so we'll let you know!

We will be giving birth at the Mountain Midwiferey Center. It is a small birthing center near Denver. I am very excited about the idea of bringing our baby girl into the world in this surrounding, with no drugs, masks, bright lights, wires, or needles.

We have read lot's of books, and here are a few I recommend that have been phenomenal in learning about the natural process of birth:

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

Birthing From Within

We also watched this documentary (currently on Netflix): The Business of Being Born

Some really great information! I am looking forward to sharing our experiencewith natural childbirth soon!

Bad News

We got some tentative bad news last week about Nugget and Lady's case. And it was confirmed this morning. Great way to start off the week. Needless to say we do not know if we will be able to adopt them, and will have to wait another 6-9 months, on average(could be in the range of 3-12 months), until we hear. This is obviously a huge devastation to us.

But as David reminded me, this is a reminder for us that they are not ours, they are His first, and we must trust. So for the next 6-9 months we wait. They will stay with us during this process, thank God. But nothing will be decided permanently for quite some time.

I just selfishly wanted this in-between time to be over. I wanted our family to be done. I was looking forward to celebrating the completion of our family in March with the birth of our baby, and the adoption of these two before then. But in reality, when has anything happened the way I thought it should in my life? Usually it's better, so I'll trust that God has a better idea than me. And in the mean time, I will be consistently fighting to not be living in fear and anger over the next several months.

More pics

Here's some more pics from the big day!

This is Jessica she was Demetrius' case worker, she really loved Demetrius and fought for him for almost two years. We will miss her and owe her so much! She is wonderful! (See Demetrius' thinks so!)

My friend, and our babysitter extraordinaire, Miss Sara at our celebration party! (She is also Demetrius' first crush!)

Some of our friends at the celebration afterwards!

This is Demetrius in court.

This is Demetrius checking out the final decree of adoption. He wanted to hold it the whole way home.

This is my friend Missy and her baby. We found out months after D came to us that she was his very first case worker, she made such a difference in his life forever! She is responsible for his smile!

We are surrounded by friends and family who love us so much and celebrate with us. We are so blessed.

"Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life!"

Albert Einstein

Recap

We’re still recovering. I slept sixteen hours yesterday!

We had a wonderful adoption day... thanks to many of you.

We arrived at court and everything went really smoothly, it was a little anti-climatic. It was short, sweet, and then it was done. Forever.

A few cute Tre and D-isms from court.

We got sworn in, and so did our family and friends who were with us. This is Tre, he held up his right arm through almost the entire hearing.

At one point during the trial the judge asks us a lot of questions; can you financially provide for this child? Can you meet his medical needs? Can you meet his emotional needs?

"Yes your honor."

"Yes your honor."

And Tre is repeating each time, "Yes your honor."

Then the judge asks, "Are you on the sex offenders website?"

"Yes your honor" says Tre.

"Have you ever been convicted of child abuse or any crime against a child?"

"Yes your honor." says Tre.

The judge just looked at me, "No your honor."

Right in the middle of it Demetrius says, "Is it time for us to adopt me now?"

"Yes D, this is it." The whole court room started laughing.

I read the boys a book about court before we went. It might have been a bad idea, Tre was terrified of the judge:)

The afternoon we just spent at home resting. Then it was party time. So many of our friends and family came out to celebrate with us. It was amazing. Demetirus felt so special. The next day we relived the whole thing, a few times.

One of his favorite parts was when he gave the judge a thumbs up...

Another was opening up presents!

It was an amazing day.

Since then Demetrius has been very sensitive. I think the seriousness of adoption is hitting him, like it does a three year old boy. He is continually checking in to make sure it is real."Are we going to adopt me again?"

"Did we adopt me?"

"Are you my mom forever now?"

"Thanks for being my mom."

He is also thinking of his biological mom a lot lately. He is asked if he could send her The Incredibles. That is his favorite movie. So I think I know what we'll be sending her for Mother's Day.

Acknowledging and Honoring

As Demetrius' adoption gets closer he is beginning to try and comprehend what is going on. His emotions are stirring, and it is so hard to watch.

Yesterday I was talking with a therapist he has that comes to our home. And she said, "If I had your life, I would cry all the time. Like a lot!"

Yep.

That's pretty much how it is. Helping a child walk through something that is so broken, and so wrong, something that is incomprehensible to adults, and trying to help him make sense of it.

It is hard.

Lot's of times each day he asks questions like:

Are you my mom now?

Where's my other mom?

Is this my minivan?

Is Scout my dog?

I don't want you to adopt me.

I want to go to my other house.

Will you be my mom forever?

Is this my house?

Who's my cousins?

Is Papa my dad yet?

And we give him the same answers each time, every day, every time. We have to be a constant. And we have to allow him the time and the space to mourn his loss. I don't know what that looks like in his mind, but I can see it in his heart.

And we are celebrating something great, we could not be more honored and blessed to have him join us, forever and ever... But we know that for him, this comes as a result of a great loss. And we acknowledge and honor that too.

Yay, Wahoo, Yippeee, and FINALLY

Brittlee and Andy have officially got they're new baby girl! They travel so soon! I can't believe it! Check out how beautiful she is here! Congrats you guys, you so deserve this, and actually you deserved it a year ago! I love you! And put me to work baby sitting miss blake so you can get ready!