Sunday, February 17, 2013


Demetrius Luke

We call him many things.
Protector of the city and healer of the people. That is who he is.
And he is destined for that.
He protects and heals.

Last night Tre threw up. He didn't call out for me, or David. He called out for D.
"D, take me to the toilet!"
And he did. He rushes to help at any given moment. He cares for people so well.
He rubs my back, and tickles my arm.
He uses his money to buy treats for everyone else.

The other night Demetrius and Tre went to "Kid's Night Out" (It is really Parents Night Out, but they told me I have to call it Kid's Night Out because it's a night for kids to go have fun... Because apparently they don't get out and have fun that often!)
Demetrius repeatedly found Pastor SYlvia asking her to help him find Tre. They had gotten separated. Sylvia kept telling Demetrius to keep looking.
After so many times of him asking she figured she better help him find Tre. And so they began to hunt. It took a while, and they finally found him in a group of older kids playing a game, which is why Demetrius couldn't find him.
Sylvia was relieved, "Oh thank Goodness! Here he is Demetrius!"
"Thanks!" he yelled as he scampered off.
Sylvia was confused.
Why did this kid beg me and beg me to help him find his brother if he isn't even going to stay with him or even say hi? She thought.

He just needed to know that he was okay, That he was safe. That he was having fun.

He is amazing.

This year I am believing over him balance and healing.
I have written before about the healing that is taking place in him.
He is such an amazing boy. With such a powerful story.

Throughout my TBRI training this year with Doctors Karyn Purvis and David Cross I learned a lot about neurotransmitters. These are the chemicals in our brain.
The ones we hear about a lot like seratonin and adrenaline, and those sorts of things.

It's fascinating to learn about these things!
The reason I think it is so important for other parents who are parenting kids from the hard places (and parents who just feel as if they are struggling an awful lot with a particular bio kid maybe) is that looking into your kids neurotransmitters can give you a whole NEW perspective on your kiddo.

Here are Demetrius' test results:
Red means you are out of the optimal range. You are unbalanced.
All but four of his major neurotransmitters are unbalanced. Some are "dangerously high".
You know what this says to me.
He is trying SO SO SO hard to be good.
He is trying SO SO SO hard to not make a "bad choice".
He is trying SO SO SO hard to be like everybody else.
To sit still. To not run. To not get angry. To not hit. To not be crazy. He is trying SO SO SO hard to notice his environment, and to be aware of himself spatially. He is trying and trying trying and trying.

And because of all of that red, it is SO SO SO hard.
What this shows me is that he is the best kid in the world! Talk about perspective. After seeing this paper I felt a new level of compassion for him. For those parents out there needing a dose of compassion, this is one!

And so this year we are speaking over him balance. He shouldn't have to try so hard. He shouldn't have to feel so "bad".

We are working with our naturopathic doctor in helping to bring balance to Demetrius within his brain without using drugs. But there is also a balance that we want to help him develop in his spirit.

When Demetrius makes a mistake he is so hard on himself. As a mom, I feel sick to my stomach when I hear his self-talk. To hear what he says to himself when he makes a mistake; It's gut wrenching. This quote flashes in my head every time I go talk with him after an "incident":

He didn't hear these things from us, ever. That is such a hard thing. For those of you who get to "blame yourselves" when you hear something from your kids that isn't good... Trust me, that's a better feeling than when you had no control over those things. When I hear him berate himself, and get so angry with himself, and the phrases he uses. It breaks my heart. I wish the whole world over I could have protected him from hearing those things ever said about anyone, but especially over himself. I wish the whole world over that he was just saying "Oh shit!" when he spilled his water for the third time today. I wish that's what we were dealing with. Cause that would be kind of funny.
But this is not.

This week I had to send an email to his teacher, here is just a short snip it, 
 "By you repeatedly giving us his "bad reports" from school he has become very defeated. As I have mentioned to you in the past he is a very very sensitive child who has learned to cue into the way people perceive him as a way of protecting himself and surviving as long as he did in the circumstances he was forced to navigate as a very young child. As a result, your repetitive bad reports that you share in front of him and the rest of the parents is resulting in him feeling extremely disliked and therefore his acting out behaviors are continuing to escalate. "
You see I don't care who  you are. This little boy needs encouragement, your words, your actions, your attitudes, he hears them, in his soul. And it's my job now to protect this sweet boy. Maybe I couldn't for the first three years, but I can now. 

So we're helping him this year to bring balance to his thought life. He can't struggle with this forever. He has too much amazing things to do in his life, and this will hold him back. And he won't be held back.

So we're working on getting the chemicals balanced, yes. But that is really only about 20% of the picture. We are also working with him. I'm teaching him about his brain, using this phenomenal book. It even has cartoons that you read to your kids about the brain. We are helping him focus his mindsight from a feeling or emotion to who he is. Helping him realize that emotions change and are not a definition of who we are, but merely a feeling. We are using the wheel of mindsight from the book, and we are working on filling his brain with positive affirmations and feelings.

I know this is going to be a huge year for him.
I think being a parent is hard.
But I think being an intentional parent, helping our children develop and grow into who they are destined to be is exciting. Choosing to teach our children, all of them, about their brains, their emotions, their bodies, and their spirits, is going to lead to some pretty awesome adults!  I want my kids to start from my ceiling. I want them to be challenged to integrate their bodies, souls, spirits, and minds now.

And so this year Demetrius will find balance. In his mind and spirit. I believe he will enter 2014 knowing what an amazing blessing and child he is. Knowing he is smart and kind. Knowing he has a destiny, and knowing that he will fulfill it with all of us cheering him on, no matter how many times he falls down in the process, and no matter how many glasses of water he spills!


  1. I love you, will you help me be a more intentional mom? Seriously, can we have coffee and talk about it??

  2. I can't thank you enough for this post. I had to reread it again. My son's challenges were rough this morning, but looking forward to a more intentional, balanced afternoon.