As most of you know David and I are in the process of deciding where we will adopt from. I don't now if this wiklkl make sense to anyone else but throughout this process I feel like no matter what I choose I am being selfish. There are three big decisions to be made. Here are some of my thought processes going on in my head in regards to those three desicions.
Sierra Leone vs. Ethiopia:
Selfishly I want to do Ethiopia for a few reasons;
1. The process is clearer, the time line is pretty mush set (although this seems like a joke to those of you who are adopting from ethiopia, compared to the SL prgram Ethiopia is butter!), it is cheaper, and you only have to travel once. I can't imagine my self meeting my baby and then having to leave them in Africa and go home for an undetermined amount of time, that wait would kill me. (This is why I pray for the Landers every day, multiple times a day, everytime I get sad about us waiting to jump into this whole thing!)
This is where I feel selkfish though, barely anyone is adopting from SL for all of the above mentioned reasons, and I don't want to put a lid on God and say, "your not big enough to get me through all those things." And plus those orphans need help just as much as any other orphan.
I also think that it is popular to adopt from Ethiopia and so if we didn't adopt from there whomever we would adopt would probably get adopted anyways. (But then I argue with myself on this point because there are millions and millions of orphans in Ethiopia that need a family, so saying that just because it's popular isn't a good enough reaosn, especially when "popular" last year meant around 700 ethiopian babies came home to the U.S.A., there are still millions there, waiting.)
I also think about the amazing Ethiopian adoption community, especially here in Colorado. There would be such a support sytem for our baby, and that as they would grow up they would have that link, that connection to others who know what they are going through. Where as with SL this would not be the case.
Okay, and then as if that is not enough the next question is boy or girl?
When I imagine our family I imagine us with a little boy (besides the other little boy we already have). The problem with this scenario is that David imagines a little girl! (I know, just get both, although I think my husband would have a heart attack if I presented that into the picture right now!) Right now my solution is, just say we would accept either. But if David wants a little girl I am not opposed to this at all (and he says the same thing about a boy), I think I am just afraid of girls.
Lastly, age. I think this might be the biggest desicion. What age do we request. David says he is not comfortabkle with anyone over 2 yrs. right now. If it were just me I would adopt an older sibling group. We'll get there he says. So do we request an infant or a toddkler? I knwo so many positives and negatives about both (negative for an infant mostly being me- I don't like infants, meaning the kind that are so small you are afraid you'll squish them and the kind that wake up every two hours, I would be quite joyous to just skip this stage all together!).
Okay I have shared our deepest thoughts as of late, now I need you to give me all the advice, wisdom, thoughts, stories etc. that you can, call all your friends and say "this lady needs our help! "
We feel the freedom from God to move forward very soon, and are praying diligently about all of these things.
The gravity of these desicions seems huge to me.