Saturday, July 21, 2012

Letting Myself Go

If you can't tell by my lack of blog presence (and real life presence, for that matter). I am currently totally overwhelmed...
I have five children, none of whom are in school right now, and they are all babies really. My oldest just turned six years old. My life is crazy.
We just completed our adoption. We are moving in less than two weeks. I am overseeing a complete house remodel. Like our kitchen is down to the studs, and we have no flooring, anywhere. Did I mention we move in less than two weeks?
And my husband is gone at least half the time.
And I have not packed, not ONE box in my current house.
And I am currently teaching a foster care training.
And I am currently studying for my TBRI training.
And my kids are soooo needy, because they're babies.
And we're moving in two weeks.
I am not complaining, this is all a result of abundant favor and blessings in our lives.
Also, one of my bestest best sister friends just moved 22 hours away. (That one IS a complaint and NOT the result of favor or blessing, at least not on my end.)

So we (my bestest best sister friend and I) decided today that I have to let myself go. I have to get fat. Fatter than I am now.
Because I recently aded to my list, loose 20 pounds. So I have been cutting calories. As a result I am extra mean, short tempered and Charli no longer sleeps through the night, as she needs to eat more often as a result of my calorie thrashing:)
You see, my stress level is at it's peak. And there are very very important parts of my life that need all of my energy, focus, and grace, and calories, like my children. And if I am grumpy because I am not eating yummy foods so I will look good in a bathing suit?! Or if I am yelling at them after nap time because I am tired, and a Dr. Pepper would cure this, I think (right now) the Dr. Pepper is the better choice. Because my children are so precious, and I am so stressed. If caffeine and Taco Bell help me get through the next two [years] or so, I think that's perfectly acceptable.
Long term, my kids don't care if I was fat for a few years. Kids want a mom who is fun, and happy, and encouraging, and grace filled. And right now, my margin for error is so thin with these precious babies, they are so much more important than the size jeans I am wearing. So I'm letting it go. This idea of self sacrifice as a mom is huge. And I am sure this might seem counter-Intuitive in our society today BUT, for me one of the things I need to sacrifice is my body image in order to love my kids better. And I know I will get back in shape. I love looking good, but I love my babies more.

So I'm going to be fat, and happy, with happy kids. That's the plan.

And if I could only have a photographer to show you my life you would currently see me sitting on the couch, breast feeding the baby, with the other baby sitting on top of my other boob, because naturally he is jealous. With Demetrius sitting at my feet, with my iPad on the arm rest, with Laila and Tre fighting over who cleaned what the most... So pass the potato chips.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


  1. I totally had Taco Bell and coffee today... no judgement here. Fat and happy is so much more fun!

  2. Love this post. I can't agree more. We only have so much energy and I figure that there will be time to look amazing when the kids are at school... So for now it's homer hudson ice cream and coffee... Whatever gets you through. You are absolutely amazing and so super beautiful for living life like you do. Keep doing what you're doing because you will have 5 children who will speak of your amazing love in years to come. You're amazing girl. Xoxo