We live on one of the busy streets in our town, so I get to people watch all day! Just now as I was scrubbing macaroni and cheese, apple sauce, and who knows what other dried foods from my kitchen table I saw a beautiful woman drive by. She had her windows down, the wind was blowing through her hair, she was dressed really nice, and she had a big smile on her face. And I quickly remembered that feeling of driving home pre-kids on a Friday (summer) afternoon. And it was the best feeling in the world. The feeling of accomplishment, you had just finished everything you needed to, you were going home to freedom, fun, and relaxation.
Friday drive homes, there was nothing better in the world.
And as I stood scraping unknown substances with my fingernails from my table, in the same shorts I've worn for several days, and a baby on my hip. I was jealous.
As a mom it is really hard to feel that sense of accomplishment, as our work is not so measurable right now, and definitely not so glamorous. And there is never a "drive of freedom" where we are leaving our work behind us, with a sense of accomplishment and freedom. In fact motherhood is usually plagued with guilt, bewilderment, and frustration at the "lack of results". And it is definitely not glamorous.
I actually find Fridays the worst day of the week these days, I think because I still somehow expect to feel that TGIF feeling I use to have. Yet I am always disappointed that it is no different than other day for me so I end the afternoon a bit disappointed... I don't get to drive away from all this right now with a sense of accomplishment. (I think I have to wait for that drive when I leave them at college, and yet I KNOW it will feel nothing like my old Friday drive home.)
In fact as I type this I just heard Demetrius flat out lie and tell Tre I ate all of the peanut butter balls (and I watched him do it). And Lady Lou threw her string cheese across the basement because she couldn't get it open. And Nugget just threw up. So I will day dream of being a career woman driving into freedom, as I go deal with my little miracles...
(And please hear me, I know this is a gift and this time is precious, and I am so blessed to be able to stay home and raise our children, and that the effort is invaluable. But I miss the Friday Freedom feeling:)
Really great girl. OOOh wwe are always yearning aren't we? I was just wishing I was with toddlers, and babies... love it!
ReplyDeleteIt gets easier! I know that it hard to imagine right now, but I promise you that it does. I know the day when you can leave them home alone for an hour to go to the grocery store or to get your hair done seems like a million years away, but it isn't. This season will fly by before your eyes and you will find that you miss the sweet and innocent conversations, the bedtime stories, and yes even the dirty hand prints on your walls. Much like pregnancy their early developmental stages seem to drag on and on, but once they are gone you realize how quickly time moves and you will only be left with the pleasant memories. Hang in there Momma. You are doing a wonderful job! College isn't the only milestone to look forward to......Kindergarten is closer than you think! Then we can have a "Kids went back to school party"
ReplyDeleteLove ya! Aron
Amanda, you are that successful woman driving around! You have such a lovely family and so much you do. You might not feel a success in your eyes or what the world defines success as, but you are blessed more than anything and truly where God wants you. So, roll down the windows on the minivan, let your hair fly back and take a drive down the street with a smile on your face.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah. As I am sitting here watching the bliss my sister is in... you know the just had a baby and nothing in the world could ruin this mood bliss. I realize, although I would never tell her and ruin that bliss, that never again will she have that drive. Never again will she just grab her purse and breeze out the door without 18 bags in her hands. Never again will a grocery store trip be a quick trip to just pick up one or two things. But what she has is even better. Hang in there sis.
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up! I cleaned up spit up 5x today, scrubbed poop off a play mat and then fantasized that I had enough energy to clean and organize my house. I still fantasize about winning the lottery even though I don't even play it. Hummmmm
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