Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Beauty for Ashes

Today Lady Lou was sad.
Really sad as we left her visit.
I had never seen her sad after a visit before, so I called to see if anything had happened. The case aid just told me that mom and dad had a great time with her today, that they played for two hours straight and it was unusually wonderful. But when it was time to head to the car dad started crying, and then mom, and then Lady.

As soon as I saw her she ran to me and held me. But once we left she was sad. I asked her why and she said, "They left me."
And she's right, they did.
And they love her so much.
And we love her so much.
And she closed her eyes and cried for half of the car ride home.

This was the first time she has verbalized any sort of sadness or loss about her story. The first time I have seen her emotional about the brokenness that she lives amidst.
And it brings me to my knees. To encompass her hurt, to hold her and feel with her, to cry with her and try to imagine what it feels like for her. It is gut wrenching.

And so I am reminded of the brokenness that is our story. And that the most beautiful people are those who have known suffering, defeat, and loss. And that Lady is bound to be beautiful.

As we came over the hill into Castle Rock she began laughing, "I can see the castle Mommy, I can see the castle..." and I was grateful that although her pain was visible, her joy was even more. And that a sign of our home, brought her first smile.

I don't ever want to see children loose a parent, but I am glad that part of our story is helping to uncover beauty in the ashes.

(As many of you know there is a HUGE trial coming up for Lady and Nugget, it has been postponed to September 19th. Please keep them, their mom and dad, and us in your thoughts and prayers.)


  1. Oh I just want to tear and hug you all right now. Kids are so resilent, and they will let you know what they need, when they need it. Sounds like little lady needed a hug, to cry and to see familiarity (great castles)! Know the comfort that you and the family are giving her and such insight and strength you are showing us while we watch and support this amazing journey of yours!

  2. this made me cry:( You are doing a great thing.