Thursday, October 9, 2008

Shrinking or Expanding (not your waist, your faith.)

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."    -Anais Nin
This quote has always resonated in me. Something that I thought of as I made decisions throughout my teenage years and even now as a twenty-something. But now, being a mother, it has taken on a whole new meaning. And let me first define what I think of as courage in this sense: The outward doing of the faith you inwardly obtain. To me ultimate courage is letting go of our control and saying God it's yours. Or in this case, he's yours. As a parent that is true courage, God he's yours. 

What is my level of "courage" in regards to my son? 

I think about my parents and the things they let me experience as a teenager. At the time I thought I was the "courageous" one; venturing off to China, Panama, Australia, Mexico, Europe, attending a public high school full of drugs, sex, big bang theories, violence, and more. All of those things shaped me into the woman I am today. In extremely significant ways. I  met my husband in China, I found true trust and faith in God in Australia, I found my strength in high school, I found my heart for orphans in Panama, etc. 

Now I am a parent, and the story has changed, right? I don't have to let my kids do those things do I? I don't have to send mine to public school to get teased, or taught Darwin's theory?  And he's certainly not going on any missions trip without me before he's eighteen! And forget leaving me for six months to be a student abroad. No way. 

Maybe one of the greatest lessons my parents will ever teach me I am just now learning. That to truly trust God, to have courage, in the most obvious sense of the word, is to say, 
"Okay God I trust you with him."
Because I don't ever want to be a mom who shrinks my kids world because I am not courageous enough to trust God. 

1 comment:

  1. for me, there is something about adoption that has been a blessing in this. With Sam I KNOW that he's God's first, mine second. Afterall that's how his life started. God gave him to me as a gift. It resonates with me and I get it deep down.
    With Brooklyn, although everything above is still true (Her life started with God, He did give her to me as a gift) I have a harder time grasping it.
    With Sam I trusted God with him while he was alive and not in my home for 15 months. I prayed for him every day. I knew God had to care for him and protect him.
    With Brooklyn I didn't get that chance. I always had a false sense of control over her. I still do.
    I have worked on correcting this since she was born but it just seems less tangible and harder.
    It's a mixed blessing of adoption. Of course I wanted Sam here from day 1 but now I see some of the benefit for understanding this very concept.