20 Questions

Twenty questions, remember that game? You tried to figure out if the person your sister was thinking of was a famous historical figure, your dog, or the boy band singer she was crushing on…  It was a game you played as a kid, during road trips, sitting on airplanes, or in doctors offices. It was fun, but only as a last resort, when all other games had been exhausted. As an adoptive mom, I sometimes feel as if I live my life inside of the 20 Questions game, except I want to re-name it Infinity Questions!

I realize all moms have a period of living inside the question game (usually with your three year old), but for us adoptive moms this phase can last much longer. Many adopted children have lived in chaos for so long before coming home that they need to control their environment so tightly in order to prevent feeling out of control. Many times this manifests as the “Question Game” as we have affectionately coined it in our house! Often times our children will ask many many questions, repetitively. And this is a result of them being afraid, they feel out of control. They want to understand every situation, every sound, every facial expression. They want to know every car that drives by, every noise they hear, and where every one is and why, at all times. This can be an exhausting place to live. Answering questions all day long, the same questions day in and day out, while you remain consistent, mellow, and compassionate, every single time. Super hard. 

When our son Demetrius first came home he was obsessed with cars. We lived on a busy street in our small town, and although I did know a good number of the people who drove by on a regular basis, I surely did not know every single car, who was in it, where they were going, and why. But Demetrius would stand in our living room and watch the cars go by and ask, sometimes over two hundred times a day, 

“Who was that?”

“Whose red car is that?”

“Who was in that white truck?”

“Where is she going?”

All. Day. Long.

 You see, we were his seventh home, and he was not yet three years old. Cars meant change to him, and he needed to know what change was coming, when, and why. And so I consistently answered his questions. Over and over, and over again. After what seemed like years, but was only a few short months the car questions began to slow down. But by this time he also knew what cars the important people drove. He knew when my husband was home, or gone. He knew when my mom was coming, and he knew when the case worker was pulling in. He knew the G.A.L’s car, and the therapist’s cars, he knew them all.

This was just a window into his heart. A window into his past, and how out of control his little world had felt. He was showing us that these things were important to him. 

When he started school again a few years ago, the questions began once again. But this time it was, “Who is picking me up from school today?” I was baffled, I pick him up from school everyday. I was trying to answer this question, sometimes eighty times in the hthee hour time frame, between when he awoke in the morning and I dropped him off at school, without showing my annoyance. I was sending him to school with a laminated picture of me to remind him when he forgot during class, I was letting him draw pictures of who picked him up every day, I was calling the school to remind him, and I was trying to answer this one question the same way every time. But all I wanted to do was scream, “MEEEEEE! It’s always ME!!!!! What is so hard about that? Why don’t you understand???”

Thankfully on a cold morning in October I got my answer. He asked me again, while eating his oatmeal, mouth full and berries smeared on his cheeks, “Who is picking me up from school today?” I am pretty sure this was about the 20^th time he’d asked that morning. “I am picking you up Demetrius. I promise. Why do you ask?” 

He dropped his spoon into his bowl and I remember watching the milk splash on the window as he started, “ I remember when I went to school and my Megan Mom was suppose to pick me up. But instead Miss Jessica picked me up and brought me to your house…” He then went on to describe his entire first day at our house. The clothes he was wearing, the place I was standing when he walked in, what they talked about in the car on the ride over, crossing the street as he looked into our windows, and of course, the model, make, and color of Miss Jessica’s car. 

I wanted to cry, I wanted to melt, the frustration I had been feeling towards him, my lack of patience with his never ending question, my lack of empathy. It was all choking me in that moment, and it came out as a sob. I was so grateful, I had finally gotten my answer.   

Throughout the years he has been home we will occasionally see this behavior resurface. Usually there is no pattern and we don’t know why. Yet I know each time, it is a glimpse into his past, a picture of what he has been through, and a step towards our healing. So I have become grateful for the questions, eager for the answers, and anxious for the insight. 

Tension

On average in our small county in Colorado there are 1,000 children in foster care. On average in our small county there are 40 children waiting to be adopted. The number one reason children in our county are placed into care: sexual abuse.

I believe many of us American Christians have (mistakenly) taken on the belief that we are to avoid discomfort at all cost. And in fact, we have been lied to for so long that we have so deceived ourselves into calling this many good things; protecting our children, providing security, "being wise", using our heads, etc. But in reality, when we look at the life of Jesus, He did none of these things.

Let me side note so I don't loose all of you just yet... I do believe there is a huge need for wisdom, and we are always seeking that out. But what we have learned is that there is a difference between wisdom with our finances, children, relationships, etc. and hoarding, overprotecting, and distrust in God's promises to lead, protect, and provide. If you have enough money in the bank to not have to trust God, it's a lot easier to not have to trust God. If you protect your children from the world, it's a lot easier to not have to trust God to protect and provide for them. I see a pendulum, that as American Christians we have swung to an extreme, calling it wisdom, but in reality it looks more like selfishness, hoarding, and hiding. And on the other side of the pendulum there is stupidity. Where you leap before you look, don't count the cost, don't plan, waste your finances, etc. There is a middle ground though, it is called... hmmm, I don't know. Maybe just balance? Trust? This is a place where we count the cost, we know it will cost us everything, and yet we go. We are prepared, we have planned, we have used wisdom, and we love recklessly and with abandon, we give, we save, we eat with the poor, yet have favor with the leaders, etc.

Injecting ourselves into hurt and brokenness is exactly what Jesus called us to do. And he called us to it with his actions. I love the parable of the banquet (Luke 14:12-24). I feel as if this is a story of the American church today, we all want to share in our wealth and bless people, but we are to busy for one another. Maybe community hasn't worked in our churches and groups because we're all to busy securing our securities. The parable goes like this, a rich man throws a huge party with tons of food. He invites all his friends. But when he sends his servant to go get them they all have an excuse. They're too busy to come to his party (Anybody had that happen?). So he invites all of the poor, the sick, the downtrodden, the diseased, and they come.

So Jesus says, When you throw a party, invite those who don't get invited. Invite the hurt and the broken, the blind, the diseased. Because they can't repay you. Don't invite those into your life who can repay you, invite people into your life who cannot repay you, because then you are truly giving. I feel as if often times the American church has become a bunch of rich men repaying one another...

I don't want to sound bitter or condescending, because I'm not. I'm living this tension daily. How do we spend it all, leave it all, die to ourselves; and still provide for our children? How do we spend wisely, save frugally, and give recklessly? How do we protect our children from evil and encourage them to be light in the darkness? How do we help to heal brokenness and hurt without breaking and hurting with those who we want to help?

Tension.

But we need to be challenged. We have lived on this side of the pendulum that we call wisdom, we have protected ourselves, our children, our security, and our lives with such force, that we have lost sight of the work we have been called to. The work of the hurt and broken, the work that does not get repaid here. The work that puts our lives at risk, maybe not our physical lives here in America, but maybe our comfortable lives?

For us, in this season, it is our children. We have interjected ourselves into the hurt and brokenness of what is our foster care system. We have called it our own. And we have been hurt and broken with them. And we will continue to be. Because we knew we had to do something. It is not the wisest thing, our finances aren't “where they should be”, we've gotten our hearts broken, we've seen hurt at it's core. We have knowingly put Tre at risk, he can no longer be the sole focus of our efforts, he is sometimes hurt or exposed to things that most six year olds are not. Yet we feel a burden to invite those who cannot repay us into our home and hearts. And in this place, we have seen extreme hope, healing, restoration, and passion. We have been surrounded by people who support and love us. There have been months when we could not provide, and yet somehow, there has always been an abundance. He has met us here, in the lost and broken world of foster care and American orphans.

At another point in our lives, this aspect of our faith might look very different than it does today. Maybe for you He is asking that you give in a reckless way with your finances, maybe with your time, maybe with your abilities. But we as the American church have a long way to go (us included). Let's risk something, in faith, believing that God will meet us at His call. Because He will. And the fulfillment and blessing that comes when interjecting ourselves into the places that need true hope, is something that will not be seen in this world.

That is our why.

That is our tension.

A line from my favorite song that sums it up... "Love is not a victory march; it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah."

Life as we know it... straining forward.

Yes, we've been home for a little over two weeks, and in that time life as we know it has changed.

- We have officially began the adoption process for Laila and Noah and should have an adoption date this week!

- We received some heavy diagnosis for Laila and Demetrius in terms of their past, and how it has effected them. Things like R.A.D. (Reactive Attachment Disorder), O.D.D. (Oppositional Defiance Disorder), and P.T.S.D. (Post Tramautic Stress Disorder, which is diagnosed massively higher in children who have been apart of the foster care system in our country than soldiers returning from war in Afghanistan and Iraq.) They are heavy heavy things, things that we will not use to define their futures, but labels that do put pictures to their pasts. Labels that mean we must remind ourselves of this calling to help heal hurt, and to not stay safe, or clean, but to dive into the mess of this life with our babies.

- We are also in the process of buying a house with foundation problems:D Which seems like no big deal to me, we are in the business of fixing foundational problems, so it seems fitting for us, prophetic, and perfect really, if you ask me. (I'm not sure the lender or my husband share my same passion for this particular foundational problem, but we shall see;)

- We have determined that there are some severe allergies with Demetrius and Noah and are undergoing several different tests for this.

-Demetrius has a severe stigmatism which explains why he is always running into everyone and everything (Not the R.A.D., thank you very much!), and is always hurting himself and others and spilling the entire kitchen:) He will be in really cute, but much more importantly, NOT BREAKABLE glasses from here on out.

So with these factors, combined with my computer that is teetering on the brink of life and death, I am afraid to download any of the photos off my camera from  our trip. Some day I will, and it will be wonderful to relive our "month of family", to look back and remember how amazing the time was and recall what God was doing in us during that time. But for now we are looking ahead at what is to come, we are believing the best for our children, their hearts, their heads, and their bodies. We are looking forward to our new home, wherever and whenever that is. And we are looking forward to completing this tribe once and for all. As we begin our new life as an official family of seven!

"... forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies in front..." (Philippians 3:13)

This is the verse for our family right now. And I just want to remind my self what straining involves from my good friend Dick- tionary:
1 [ trans. ] force (a part of one's body or oneself) to make a strenuous or unusually great effort • injure (a limb, muscle, or organ) by overexerting it or twisting it awkwardly• [ intrans. ] make a strenuous and continuous effort • make severe or excessive demands on • [ intrans. ] pull or push forcibly at something • stretch (something) tightly2 [ trans. ] pour (a mainly liquid substance) through a porous or perforated device or material in order to separate out any solid matter: strain the custard into a bowl.

(Note to husband: This is why we need massages so much, that and our accident in Nashville:)

So as we strain with our family to move forward into what God has for us we must remember that forgetting the past, letting it go and not letting it define us or our children will take an unusually great effort, we might get injured, it will be strenuous and continuous, not something we often like to hear together, not something our society often signs up for. But we have.
We will experience severe and excessive demands, pulled and pushed forcibly, and stretched tightly.
As we are daily pouring our selves out, so that all that is left is what is solid.

We are doing this so that we can make forward progress, so that we can help our children leave what is behind them and enter in to what is destined for them. And that is worth it. (Happy Father's Day baby!)

Great News

I've been MIA. Sorry to all those who have called my mom, wondering if we're still alive over here at the Purvis tribe!

We are, there was a few days when I wasn't sure if we'd make it... but we did. We got the flu, the real one. And I couldn't function, let alone take care of all my children who were sick as well. David was out of town, so my parents and friends had to step in, and risk their lives, to help! Thank God for them!

But we're on the other side now, I've even showered recently, and bathed my children, and driven a car. So things are looking up!

And we got some really exciting news recently, some news that we weren't really even hoping to hear until May or June... We will be (finally) moving forward with the adoption of Laila and Noah, the appeal has been heard, and we can now move forward! YAY!

We still have about a month of waiting before we can officially move forward, but we are ecstatic around here! And hope to compete our family of seven early this summer!

A few more weeks until we are expecting the arrival of our little girl. We think we have a name picked out, and it is none of the names we had you vote on:) But we have to wait and meet her, so we'll let you know!

We will be giving birth at the Mountain Midwiferey Center. It is a small birthing center near Denver. I am very excited about the idea of bringing our baby girl into the world in this surrounding, with no drugs, masks, bright lights, wires, or needles.

We have read lot's of books, and here are a few I recommend that have been phenomenal in learning about the natural process of birth:

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

Birthing From Within

We also watched this documentary (currently on Netflix): The Business of Being Born

Some really great information! I am looking forward to sharing our experiencewith natural childbirth soon!

Bad News

We got some tentative bad news last week about Nugget and Lady's case. And it was confirmed this morning. Great way to start off the week. Needless to say we do not know if we will be able to adopt them, and will have to wait another 6-9 months, on average(could be in the range of 3-12 months), until we hear. This is obviously a huge devastation to us.

But as David reminded me, this is a reminder for us that they are not ours, they are His first, and we must trust. So for the next 6-9 months we wait. They will stay with us during this process, thank God. But nothing will be decided permanently for quite some time.

I just selfishly wanted this in-between time to be over. I wanted our family to be done. I was looking forward to celebrating the completion of our family in March with the birth of our baby, and the adoption of these two before then. But in reality, when has anything happened the way I thought it should in my life? Usually it's better, so I'll trust that God has a better idea than me. And in the mean time, I will be consistently fighting to not be living in fear and anger over the next several months.

Foster Parent Training's

So I have had the privilege of getting to speak at foster parent training for the Collaborative Foster Care Program that we participate in. It's usually about once a month, and it is a room full of adults who are beginning the process of becoming foster parents. I LOVE doing this because obviously I am passionate about foster care, and I really LOVE the program. After getting to know a bit about about other county's in Colorado, as well as throughout the United States, I am continually amazed by this program, the people who work there, their innovative programs and passion for kids. I believe they are THE BEST!

The training that these people are going through is a 24 hour (3 hours per week for eight weeks) initial training, and I come on the second to last week and talk to them about what it's really like. They use me to make an eco-map, a before and after picture of what your life looks like before you become involved in foster care, and after. I am their reality check, they're basically saying, "See you might be as crazy as this lady, and your life might look like this if you actually move forward with this!"

But then I get to tell them things I wish I'd known, and then we open it up for questions. And I started thinking today, that I should summarize what I always try and say on these evening, because I know there are many of you who are debating whether foster care is for your family. So here is a little of what I share with these families:

1. If you are going into foster care to find a easy way to build your family. Please stop now.

2. If you are going into foster care to "help kids", that is not enough. This must be something that you feel is something that you can't live without, otherwise, on the days when everything is awful, you will quit. This is not just a nice thing to do, or a charity cause, this is a life. A life that will utterly consume you and need all that you have to give, and it's not always warm and gushy feeling, it's not like going to yoga or bringing in canned foods, you won't feel like you did something great and then move on. It is a daily sacrifice and calling, that will cost you everything.

3. If you are going into foster care with a fear that you might get hurt: YOU WILL.

I think it is natural for every human being to want to protect themselves, their children, their families. It is natural to not WANT to get hurt. If you decide to do foster care, you WILL get hurt. If that is not something that your willing to do, stop now. I would argue that any person who has made a difference, changed lives, and truly helped the least of these, did not do so without sacrifice and hurt. And I think if you are not willing to get hurt, to give it all, to get beat up, and to keep on loving, than you should not do this.

4. You must have a community of people who are willing to help you. And maybe you are not suppose to do foster care, but you should be a part of someone's community and help them do this.

5. You have to read The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis (preferably several times:)

I talk about much more, I'm usually there for at least an hour and a half. But a lot of that is question and answer time. But if you are thinking about foster care, or foster to adopt for your family I'd LOVE to chat with you, and answer any questions you might have, and just pray for you and your family as you make the decision!

Recap

We’re still recovering. I slept sixteen hours yesterday!

We had a wonderful adoption day... thanks to many of you.

We arrived at court and everything went really smoothly, it was a little anti-climatic. It was short, sweet, and then it was done. Forever.

A few cute Tre and D-isms from court.

We got sworn in, and so did our family and friends who were with us. This is Tre, he held up his right arm through almost the entire hearing.

At one point during the trial the judge asks us a lot of questions; can you financially provide for this child? Can you meet his medical needs? Can you meet his emotional needs?

"Yes your honor."

"Yes your honor."

And Tre is repeating each time, "Yes your honor."

Then the judge asks, "Are you on the sex offenders website?"

"Yes your honor" says Tre.

"Have you ever been convicted of child abuse or any crime against a child?"

"Yes your honor." says Tre.

The judge just looked at me, "No your honor."

Right in the middle of it Demetrius says, "Is it time for us to adopt me now?"

"Yes D, this is it." The whole court room started laughing.

I read the boys a book about court before we went. It might have been a bad idea, Tre was terrified of the judge:)

The afternoon we just spent at home resting. Then it was party time. So many of our friends and family came out to celebrate with us. It was amazing. Demetirus felt so special. The next day we relived the whole thing, a few times.

One of his favorite parts was when he gave the judge a thumbs up...

Another was opening up presents!

It was an amazing day.

Since then Demetrius has been very sensitive. I think the seriousness of adoption is hitting him, like it does a three year old boy. He is continually checking in to make sure it is real."Are we going to adopt me again?"

"Did we adopt me?"

"Are you my mom forever now?"

"Thanks for being my mom."

He is also thinking of his biological mom a lot lately. He is asked if he could send her The Incredibles. That is his favorite movie. So I think I know what we'll be sending her for Mother's Day.

Support and Love

I thought I had a lot of laundry with six healthy people running around here. Now I have lot's of sick ones, who are throwing up and pooping all the time:)

We tried to go to the doctor on Tuesday, by the time we made it there, about a fifteen minute drive, we were ALL covered in vomit! I called the doctor and told them we were to sick to come in, and asked to reschedule. I will attempt to make it to that visit today! At least today no one is throwing up (fingers crossed, maybe I shouldn't say that)!

I need to tell you about Laurie, because without her, my life would be very different!

I met Laurie about six year ago. She's one of my best friends! She has four kids too! But they are older than mine (11-23 ish). She has watched Tre since he was really little, now all my kids call her Mimi.

I think we are her "cause". (I'm not sure how I feel about being a cause, I'll think about that later.) She has made her self completely available to us. I think she comes over every day these days! She buys me groceries, and watches the kids, and prays for me, and let's me call her to cry, and usually cries with me. She gives me perspective that I lack in the moment. Like Tuesday when I called her, crying in Target wondering around. We were all covered in throw up and I was trying to buy everyone new outfits and clean them in the bathroom in order to make it to the doctor. She kindly said, "maybe you should just reschedule the appointment?"

I never would of thought of that right then.

Laurie is my life saver.

And I have others like her. (Like when Courtney dropped off sheets and beer and water proof mattress pad covers the other day after my laundry post, or when Linda brought us dinner, or when the Robinson's bought us all our diapers for for ever!) I am no super hero, I am really messed up actually. I hope to never portray in my blog that I've got it all together, or am a super mom. Because of this, I am sure I am not.

But I am surrounded by people who hold up my arms when I am weary of holding babies, and I hope they can say the same for me, that I hold up their arms when they tire from their daily missions.

Update: Strength and Power

I am tired.

Although having a newborn this time around has been easier than ever before, I am still tired, I day dream about my bed, it is beautiful, and comfortable, and warm, and oh so inviting.

Nugget will not be getting surgery anytime soon. The surgery is very risky, and they are hoping he will grow out of the problem soon, if he does not, then we will have to do surgery but they want to wait a few months.

I got to take Nugget's mom out for ice cream the other day. We cried and laughed. I am constantly reminded of how Jesus treated sinners, and I am constantly reminded, that I am no different than her. I love her. I told her that I kiss her babies twice, every time. The first one is for her, and the other one is for me. I told her that I am praying for her, and her husband, and that I promise to love her kids like my own, whether they're with me for a week or eighteen years... We cried, and took pictures with her disposable camera. And when we parted ways we hugged, and cried more. And she buckled in her little nugget in my car and I waved as I drove away.

I can't imagine someone else having my babies, or buckling them in someone else's car and watching them drive away. I can't imagine someone else wiping Tre's poop, or cleaning up after him when he peed the bed for the fifth time this week. I also can't imagine someone else being the one who gets to hug him when he wakes up, or pick him up when he falls. And I can't imagine how she feels. I promised her I would do my best.

This whole foster care thing is hard. A lot of people say, "I couldn't do that, it would be to hard for me, it would be too hard on my kids." And they're right. It is too hard, because this isn't how it is suppose to be. This is too hard on my kids, it's hard on my marriage, and our wallet, and my heart. I cry every time any of them leave, and I still worry and pray for all of them, I still cry every time they call us and we say no, we can't take that one...

I am glad that Jesus didn't use that excuse for me, that's too hard. And I am glad that his Dad didn't use that excuse for His kid, that would be too hard on my kid. And I am glad that He promises to meet us, and bless us, and provide for us, when we do unto the least of these.

I am constantly reminded that we are suppose to be moving towards brokenness, we are made to envelope hurt, and pain. Weakness is our greatest strength.

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Nugget's sister, who is 21 months old, will be moving in with us this week. We are very excited to have a little girl around here. But I am worried, 21 months is a BABY! And I already have a baby, a really little one, that stays up at night:)

I am sure we will quickly find our new groove, and it will be wonderful, but I am trying to imagine how I will walk in a parking lot, get groceries, or even just get all of my children down the stairs here! I am sure I will conquer all of this, I think there are other women who have. And in my weakness, Christ's power will rest on me.

Nugget

Our little nugget sure has stolen our hearts!

We're in love.

This morning I found Tre had set up a little classroom, he told me he was teaching Nugget his colors. I reminded him that D might be a good pupil as well, since he doesn't know his colors yet either...

We are going to see a surgeon today, it's looking like little nugget will need some major surgery here soon... We will know more this afternoon.

snapshots

A few snap shots, since my brain is not fully operating due to lack of sleep!

1. There is a little bit of jealousy around here. D peed all over the baby's crib, and he continually asks me, "Has our baby died yet?"

"No D, he hasn't died, please stop peeing on his crib and his clothes."

In all seriousness, the poor guy is missing all the attention and just trying to make sense of things in his mind.

2. Along the jealousy lines, Tre filled the baby's drawers with every rubber snake we have (which is quite a few), and wrapped them through the drawer handles and door knobs, he said they are for protection, like what's on ambulances... I am not so sure.

3. We are having a soap party here tomorrow night, if you are local, come help us package up soap for The Adventure Project! And don't forget to purchase your soap here to help provide training to locals in India to fix broken wells in their region!

4. Do you remember this post, about the boys in my back seat... well my children don't all fit in the back seat right now. So Tre rides up front, in his car seat with the airbag off. Apparently thisi s NOT illegal, just ill-advised. Pray for safety, and that we can save money and get a bigger car soon:)

5. The three year old boy who is with us for a short time will be leaving soon so that our baby's older sister, who is 20 months old, and a GIRL can move in (yes donations and advice are gratefully appreciated, 2 year old girl, what do they wear? What do they play with? How do I mother a girl?). She will be with us for a while.

THUS we are done growing our family! We went from two to four in just a few days, and it seems like all of them are very LONG term:)

We are joyfully overwhelmed and thankful. (I don't know if David is at the thankful stage yet, but he's on his way;)

Marriage Meeting=Four D's

A few weeks ago David and I had an all day marriage meeting, sort of a budget committee meeting meets state of the union, meets date night. (In case you're wondering, it was fun! Not awful.)

Among many other things we discussed during this meeting, we discussed our foster to adopt situation, and decided that we would continue fostering and would continue to wait for our baby girl through the foster care system... we talked about our age range, etc. We got on the same page. (Girl or boy, infant.)

What is funny is that we hadn't had any calls in a few months about placements at that point. On our way home that evening we got a call, then another and another. Last night was our fourth call in a few weeks, none of them meeting our agreed upon age rage, gender, or race requirements.

But last night, we couldn't resist, a short term placement for a three year old little boy. It would be like an extended play date around here, and I wouldn't even have to find more clothes, they would all wear the same size!

So we met him at Noodles, shared some Mac n Cheese and chocolate milk, and headed home. He is funny, and talks a lot. As we pulled up into our driveway (which we live in a very small, very old, purple house, so it is not an impressive thing to pull up into our driveway)He said "OOOOOh! I love our house!"

He slept all night, and is super fun! And now I live in a house with four D's, David and David, D, and Dom. I like it.

Welcome... D Man

The "D Man" as I have already brgun affectionately calling him arrived this evening. He's a new addition to our tribe. We already love him. he's two and a half, and the CUTEST boy ever! He has LOTS of personality, and I already have some D-isms!

We think he'll be sticking around quite a while!

Back Seat

This is what the backseat of my car looks like now: (I still sort of feel like I am having a panic attack when i look back there!)

Sorry I can't show ANY pictures of our twins... You'll just have to meet them! They're cute!

I had my first "moment" on Saturday night. As we walked into the sanctuary at our church with the boys, all of them. And we were just standing in the back for worship, feeling out how the twins were doing. As I sat down next to them, they were dancing in the back isle, and I just started weeping. This is exactly what I've been praying for every single time I have entered this sanctuary over the past three years. These are the boys I was crying out to God for. These are the boys my heart was aching for and my spirit was interceding for, and now I know a little bit about why. I was just so overwhelmed with God's provision and blessing, I was so overwhelmed with their brokenness, and the hope they have Christ, and the future He has for them, and I just kept thanking God that He had brought me to today, the very day I had been dreaming about and praying for... and even though the journey looked nothing like I thought it would, I am so happy I followed Him here.

We don't know how long the twins will be in our lives, it could be a month, a year, or forever... and we are totally at peace with that. And just blessed with each day we get to spend with them.

welcome

So late Thursday night we welcomed into our home two year old boy twins... thus I will not be blogging for quite some time!

Just kidding, I hope!

Now I am constantly reminding myself of how Jesus interjected himself into the midst of struggling, hurt, broken people. And how I want our story to mean something... I want to change the world, maybe two little boys at a time. And it might cost me what feels like everything right now. But that is what I want. We don't want to live an easy life, That's not what we were called to do. We were called to bring healing to the broken hearted and to care for the orphan and widow.

What is a little frustrating is that many people think we're crazy for doing what Jesus asks us to do. But I'm a little raw right now, so I probably shouldn't say that... But I will.

What we're doing is really hard, and really rewarding, and we are trying to enjoy each precious day we have with these guys.

News

So we have some news.

Some big news actually.

News that required me to buy a crib today!

Nope.

Not pregnant. (I'm on a diet, so that would really screw that up!)

We are going to do foster (to adopt) care with a local county.

It's a big deal, that has been brewing for a long time, but we were keeping it under wraps, until now. We finished our classes, our home study has been completed, we have an update and an approval meeting, and then we'll be on the list.

Here are a few details...

- We will be opening our home to two children, either gender. Ages 3 or under. Not necessarily siblings.

- Our adoption from Ethiopia is on hold until we can sell our home. We have not lost any money or efforts, they are simply holding all of our paperwork to send to ethiopia as soon as we sell our home. (This decision was made by our international adoption agency.)

- we think we will be approved around the end of September, therefore able to accept placement sometime in October at the earliest.

- we are very excited to see how God has orchestrated all of this and will be sharing some of the amazing details in the days to come.