I'm not really sure how to start this post, but I know I should...
I am committed to blogging about this experience, the whole foster to adopt experience, because no one else really does, and I think it will be helpful to many. But I have to do so with the utmost anonymity to children, parents, etc. So here I go.
The twins left us last night and returned to their mom, in a very bizarre and utterly devastating decision that took place in court. I can not give any details really. But if you are thinking about doing this journey, understand this does not usually happen! Everyone was shocked.
When I told my mom, as I was bawling, she said, "Well, Amanda, nothing ever really goes normally in your life, you have to admit that much!" And it's true.
We are really sad. And really really grateful that we got to spend five days with those boys. We know that God put them in our lives for a reason, and they will be forever prayed for and remembered by us.
We want to be broken, and expose ourselves to suffering, because we weren't put here to sustain our comfort. And so we are glad to feel the suffering of others, although it seems heavy and unbearable at times, we share with the boys and their mom in their suffering today, and until they are in heaven we will share with them the burden of what they have gone through and what still remains ahead of them.
Yet we have to believe that God has a plan bigger than we could ever fathom. And we realize, we don't have to understand. Like I said in my post here, "We don't know how long the twins will be in our lives, it could be a month, a year, or forever... and we are totally at peace with that."
We will remain steadfast and not give up hope that God will redeem all that was stolen from them. And we will trust that as we move forward, toward more suffering and hurt and loss, that God will sustain us and be our source.
Thanks for walking the journey with us, we have had more support and love in all of this than I ever thought possible, we are surrounded by people who truly are blessings!