November was hectic, we had David's surprise party which went great, thank you to everyone for your help! Our friends the Rath's came to visit, then the in-laws came out for a visit in mid-december. Then it was Christmas, then came new years, then came Debbie with a baby in the baby carriage... almost, she isn't quite there yet, but seven months along. Anyways, needless to say it's been hectic. And somewhere in there- the crib was no longer an option, I kept finding Tre stuck in between the wall and his crib, or shimmying down the curtains, or up stairs doing his own thing. So the toddler bed had to be introduced as well. I am pretty sure Tre didn't sleep much at all from Thanksgiving through the new year, and definitely no naps. Needless to say I had welcomed in 2009 and was wishing I could sell my son, or maybe myself, because I was loosing it. But thank God for my husband and spankings and port wine. I am back on track, and so is Tre, and so I thought we were returning to earth. We even managed to find an AMAZING school for Tre and had begun the application process for the fall.
On Thursday David found out that a friend and fellow pilot had died in an airplane crash in Wray, Colorado. And it really hit home. He was a friend, a pilot, an instructor, a husband and a dad to their newly adopted baby from Colombia. Needless to say it has been hard. David flew with him Wednesday, and Thursday morning he passed away. Then as I sat down to write this I got an email from David confirming that the other "soul on board" was another instructor that David knew. I thought we were landing, but I guess we have to go around again- probably the geese (that is not funny to anyone but my mom right now).
I don't know how many of you know this but I have always dealt with fear. I could get into the history of where I think it comes from, but why? Needless to say one afternoon when David and I were engaged, on our way to church, I know exactly where we were on the highway I just blurted out, " I don't know if I can marry a pilot." The conversation that followed had lot's of tears, from both of us, and two things that will forever have changed my life. The first was that David said that he would give it up. He would never fly again. Probably THE most sacrificial thing he could do or say to me to show his love. (Although at the time it just made me feel guilty and stupid.) The second was a challenge, maybe one of the most loving and heartfelt things David has ever done for me. He challenged me to face the root of that fear. The fear that shook me to my core every time he went up into the sky, every time I heard a report of an accident, or thought that I might have felt a wind gust, or maybe a bolt of lightning. Every time he was flying high I was in the depths. But that day he challenged me in a loving way, not in a judgmental or condescending way, but he hoped for me, and for him that I would deal with my fear.
And I did. Slowly but surely. It probably took me a good two years to get to the point where every minute that he was up flying I wasn't worried. To get to the point where if he didn't call when he was suppose to land I didn't start crying, etc. (Which, if you know my husband at all, he really struggles with time management, so I was crying pretty much every time, knowing for sure he was dead on a mountain somewhere, not just 30 minutes late, like usual.)
But I'm not gonna lie, when I found out that Daniel had died in an airplane crash, the guy who is helping to train David for his next rating, I felt all those feeling rise up again. And I realized, once again, that we're never done. We will always have to deal with our weaknesses, we will always have to fight the enemy so that he cannot get a hold on us, on our hearts, our families, our lives, and our destiny. But luckily I am up for the challenge. I will run with perseverance the race that has been set before me. Keeping my eyes on the goal, the author and finisher of my faith.
I am learning to trust. I trust my husband, that he is a more than competent pilot and man. And that he will make wise decisions. But more than that, I trust my God, the author and finisher of my faith. And with that said, I am up for the challenge I will not let fear hold us back.
So Thursday we found out about Daniel, on Friday we found out that we will probably need to amputate Tre's index finger in the next few months, and today we found out about Zach. Maybe right now our flight seems bumpy, but I'm not complaining, only contemplating. Pray for the families of Daniel and Zach, and pray for Tre's finger.