Sometimes I find myself discontented with my current circumstances only because I am anxious for the future. I think I have been like this my whole life. Maybe it is a characteristic of dreamers, we are always dreaming of what’s next. I can think of other times in my life, like when I was when in highschool and dating David, all I wanted was to get out of school and get married (so I graduated early), and then in college, I didn’t want to be in college I wanted to be working and married, so I went on the fast track to get it done (if I had finished I would have finished in less than three years), Once we got married I couldn’t stop thinking about wanting a baby, and it just seems that this is how my life goes. Even with trips, David knows this I LOVE looking forward to trips. Like we have Hawaii in a month, but I am already planning Thailand and Can Cun after that! It seems like I am never content with my current circumstances, and I am starting to get very annoyed with myself. I don’t want to look back on my life and find that I didn’t enjoy it just because I was always waiting for the next “Big Thing” and in the mean time I missed what was right in front of me. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. And then I’ve been hearing this song by Trace Adkins, “Your Gonna Miss This” and every time I hear it it makes me cry. It’s funny how God uses random things to speak to us (mine wasn't an ass, but close... Just Joking Trace Adkins, I don't even know you!). But I have really felt convicted for not enjoying where I am at, as a lifestyle, not just occasionally. I know that setting goals, and dreaming big, and doing new things, and exploring, and forging paths are all things that God has implanted in me but the negative to those positives is that I have a tendency to not enjoy where I am at. So February 23rd I am setting my new year’s resolution, to enjoy where I am at. To look forward to what’s ahead but not live in the future.
Thank you Lord for speaking to my heart about this now, while my marriage is still young, my baby is still a baby (sort of) and I only have many more days to live “in” and not “through”.
Maybe this will help one of you too. To enjoy the day your in.
Here are some things I enjoy about my days as of late:
- the simpleness (meaning the time off during nap time, the small amount of time it takes to get ready, not having to buy an unruly amount of airline tickets) of only having one child
- living in a small house, I can make it look clean in 30 minutes
- I only have one bathtub to clean
- I only have one stinky little boy to clean
- I don’t have to worry if anyone spills anything on my carpets (or my couch, or my table, or really anything we own)